Tunapomalizia siku 16 za kupinga ukatili wa kijinsia, nimezungumza na waumini kuwakumbusha mambo muhimu.
Ukatili wa kijinsia upo katika familia na katika taasisi za dini pia. Na Biblia imweka wazi kwamba kazi yetu sio kuomba na kuhubiri peke yake. Ni wajibu wetu pia kusaidia watu wanaoishi katika mazingira hatarishi wapate haki zao, pamoja na kuwatetea. Kipindi cha Biblia yatima na wajane yalikuwa makundi ambayo yanaonewa sana. Kipindi chetu makundi haya yaliyoko pembezoni yameongezeka zaidi.
Isa 1:17 “jifunzeni kutenda mema; takeni hukumu na haki; wasaidieni walioonewa; mpatieni yatima haki yake; mteteeni mjane.”
Tulikumbushana mambo muhimu kama vile tofauti ya jinsi (sex) na jinsia (gender), maana ya mke kuitwa ‘msaidizi’, aina za ukatili wa kijinsia na namna ya kuripoti kuhusu ukatili wa kijinsia.
Mambo
niliyowakumbusha wanandoa kuchukua tahadhari ni:
1. Wanandoa wajitahidi kujulishana nyaraka muhimu zinapokaa ili mtu aisije akaumwa na kushindwa kuongea na kujikuta mali zikitaifishwa. Mf. mwanamke fulani alifiwa na mume na kuendelea kuuza vitafunwa. Siku moja akaambiwa gorofa fulani lilikuwa ni la mume wake. Alipofika wapangaji wakamwambia ni kweli na wakaanza kumpa kodi.
2. Kujitahidi mali zote zisiandikwe jina la mume tu. Ikiwezekana mali ziandikwe majina yao wote wawili. Hii inasaidia sana hasa kwa zile familia zenye vurugu katika masuala ya mali.
3. Wawe waangalifu katika kuandika wosia ambao unataja watoto tu bila kumtambua mwenzi wa maisha.
(i). Kuna wanawake
wamejikuta mali zote zikiuzwa na watoto ambao walitegemewa kuwalea baada ya
mume kufariki. Baadhi wameziuza kwa makusudi wakati wengine wamejikuta wakiuza
kutokana na kulemewa na madeni.
(ii). Wanandoa
fulani walikuwa wana migogoro katika ndoa hivyo wakaona wamuandike mtoto kama
mmiliki wa nyumba yao. Yule mtoto alipokuwa mkubwa na kugundua nyumba
imeandikwa jina lake, alipooa na kuanza kuvuta bangi, akawafukuza wazazi kwenye
nyumba hiyo.
4. Hata hivyo mume anapoandika kwamba mali zote zitakuwa chini ya uangalizi wa mkewe wakati akiwa hai, watoto wanaweza kuamua kumuua kwa vile wanajua watakuwa wamiliki mama yao akifariki.
Hata hivyo ziko kanuni za msingi katika kuandika wosia ambazo zinatakiwa kuzingatiwa.
Kisa cha kusikitisha:
Katika warsha ninazofanya hapa nchini, nimewahi kupewa kisa hiki. “Mchungaji alikuwa na tabia ya kumpiga mke wake na kisha kumfukuza arudi kwao. Siku moja alipompiga alimng’oa meno ya mbele. Hivyo akampelekea hospitali na kumnunulia meno ya bandia. Baadaye walipokorofishana tena, akampiga na kumfukuza na akamnyang’anya meno ya bandia aliyokuwa amempa. Mama akarudi kwao akiwa kibogoyo.”
Dkt. Lawi Mshana, Freelance Facilitator & Public Speaker, +255712924234, Tanzania
Protect your partner from violence when you are alive and when you die (the sad story of a pastor)
As we conclude the 16 days of activism against Gender-Based Violence, I have reminded believers of important things.
Gender-based violence exists in families and religious institutions as well. And the Bible clarifies that our job is not to pray and preach alone. It is also our responsibility to help people living in vulnerable environments to get their rights, as well as to defend them. During the Bible time, orphans and widows were groups that were oppressed a lot. In our time, these marginalized groups have increased even more.
Isa 1:17 “Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.”
We reminded each other of important things such as the difference between sex and gender, the meaning of a wife being called a 'helper', types of Gender-Based Violence, and how to report GBV.
The things I reminded couples to consider:
1. The couple should inform each other where important documents are kept so that when one is unconscious, the property is not taken by unworthy heirs. E.g. a certain lady lost her husband and continued to sell bites. One day she was told that a certain storey house belonged to her husband. When he visited it, the tenants told him it was true and started paying him rent.
2. Avoid
writing all assets in the husband's name. The properties
should be registered in both the wife's and husband's names. This is very helpful,
especially for violent families.
(i). Some women
have found themselves having all their assets sold by the children who were
expected to care for them after the death of their husbands. Some have sold
them on purpose while others have sold them due to debt burden.
(ii). Certain couples had conflicts in their marriage, so they decided to register their child as the owner of their house. When the child grew up and discovered that the house had his name written on it, when he got married and started smoking weed, he kicked his parents out of the house.
4. However, sometimes when a husband writes that all assets will be under the care of his wife while she is alive, the children may decide to kill her because they know they will be the owners if their mother is dead.
However, the basic principles of writing a will should be observed.
Sad story:
As a facilitator in workshops, I once heard a sad story. "The pastor had a habit of beating his wife and then chasing her back to her parents. One day when he hit her, he pulled out his front teeth. So he took him to the hospital and bought him artificial teeth. Later when they quarreled again, he beat her chased her away, and took away the artificial teeth he had given her. The lady left without teeth."
Dr. Lawi Mshana, Freelance
Facilitator & Public Speaker, +255712924234, Tanzania
 – see English translation below){kind=link}