Do not confess to returning to your parents, or be a bad example for your children
(Usikiri kurudi kwenu wala kuwa mfano mbaya kwa watoto wako)
Do not tell your child that you wish he had never been born. Such words are no different from a married person threatening to return to her parents. If you do so, you are predicting the breakup of your marriage. A married person must realize that they have no home other than their marital home. Even if you are kicked out, you should ask him, ‘Where do you want me to go when this is my home?’ If you agree to leave your marital home easily, you are giving the devil a room, and you do not know your identity. Tell him that the scriptures say that a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, so this is my home.
But do not argue with your spouse in front of the children. You should have privacy where you can talk to each other alone. If you yell at each other in front of the children, you make them regard it as normal, even when they enter marriage. They will think it is the way of life. There are people today whose marriages are in trouble because they learned from the misbehaviour of their parents. Children should not see your differences without any reason. Even if they are small children, don't ignore them; they can talk about your weaknesses to outsiders.
Usikiri kurudi kwenu wala kuwa mfano mbaya kwa watoto wako
Usimwambie mtoto wako unatamani asingezaliwa. Maneno kama hayo hayana tofauti na mtu aliyeolewa anayetishia kwamba atarudi kwao. Ukifanya hivyo unatabiri kuvunjika kwa ndoa yako. Mtu uliyeolewa lazima ujitambue kwamba huna kwenu zaidi ya nyumbani kwako ulikoolewa. Hata ukifukuzwa unatakiwa umuulize, ‘Unataka niondoke niende wapi wakati hapa ndio kwangu?’ Ukikubali kuondoka nyumbani kwao kirahisirahisi, unampa shetani nafasi na hujitambui. Mwambie maandiko yanasema mtu atamuacha baba yake na mama yake na kuambatana na mkewe hivyo hapa ni kwangu.
Lakini usibishane na mwenzi wako mbele ya watoto. Mnatakiwa kuwa na faragha ambapo mnaonyana mkiwa peke yenu. Mkifokeana mbele ya watoto mnawafanya waone ni kawaida hata wao wakiingia katika ndoa. Watafikiri ndio mfumo wa maisha. Kuna watu leo ndoa zao zina matatizo kwa vile walijifunza kwa vitendo kupitia maisha mabaya ya wazazi wao. Watoto wasione tofauti zenu bila sababu za msingi. Hata kama ni watoto wadogo usiwapuuze, wanaweza kuzungumzia udhaifu wenu kwa watu wengine.
Dr. Lawi Mshana, Facilitator and Mentor, +255712924234, Tanzania
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