I’m tired of staying single and time is running out
A Christian lady asked me this: “I am tired of staying single and God has not yet answered my long-time prayers for a husband and time is running out. What should I do?”
Indeed, God is not as pleased with loneliness as you feel. Gen 2:18 "Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” But staying single may have reasons behind it.
Here are some of them:
1. It is possible that getting married will not be the true solution to your loneliness. I have met people with the same experience who realized later that their problem needed a spiritual answer more than getting married. If it is not normal loneliness, you may get married and still feel unsatisfied. You may need special prayers to be set free at the moment.
2. Maybe what you experience, even some married people experience too. And that’s why some of them are tempted to be unfaithful. In other words, we still have married couples who are lonely contrary to God’s will for marriage. God planned that marriage would deal with loneliness but a distorted married life can never bring full satisfaction.
3. The devil disrupted your life because maybe you were not born again Christian or you lost God’s focus for your life or there are satanic covenants in your family line. But targeted prayer, breaking satanic covenants, and other divine means can help in dealing with your loneliness. God can also raise a person for you to fill the gap in your heart. When David’s dream of marrying Merab failed to come true, Saul offered Michal as a snare to him (1 Sam 18:17-21). So God raised Jonathan to stand for him (2 Sam 1:26). God can bring you a person to comfort you rather than provide you with a husband who may abuse you and may not have a genuine love for you. We see that David and Jonathan loved each other with Agape love. 1 Sam 18:1b ‘...and Jonathan loved him as his own soul’.
4. Maybe, God has not yet prepared a suitable husband for you. It depends on the kind of husband you desire. Perhaps there is no man of your choice in your area. How do you think Abraham’s servant would meet Rebekah if he didn’t go to Mesopotamia? (Gen 24:1-20. Probably, men who look for a woman like you do not yet know that you have that desire and are single. It is very rare to meet with your life partner without any connection made before. God brought Eve to Adam and gave him freedom to receive her as his wife. He didn’t force Adam to marry Eve (Gen 2:22-23).
5. It looks like God is silent at the moment but He is preparing your future. John 13:7 ‘Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” If God is not equipping your life partner at the moment, probably He is equipping you. Don't just strive to find a good husband and forget that you are also expected to be a good wife. Deal effectively with your questionable behaviors as well.
6. Maybe, your lonely condition is only temporary. Soon you won’t feel it or it will lessen with age. Current changes in your body may sometimes stir sexual desire. Learn to accept your current condition instead of comparing yourself with other people. God has a unique plan for each and every one of us. That’s why your fingerprint is different from others. Our lives are closely related to what we choose. Deut 30:19 “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live.”
7. Perhaps, you pray and wait for a dream instead of looking attractive. I do not mean that you should be like a prostitute. Not at all! You need to look like Rebekah. When Rebekah needed to get married she didn't wait at home praying (if she did) but she was generous to guests (visitors) and was hardworking (Gen 24:17-20). Drawing water for camels is not easy because they drink extra water for reserve in their bodies. You need to be trustworthy as a prospective wife. In other words, don’t just become a girl or a woman but a wife (a woman equipped to marry a man).
8. Maybe, you are double-minded in your prayers. You pray earnestly when you have a high desire for sex but when it lessens, you change your prayers and feel content with being single. You become discouraged when you see conflict in married couples' homes. James admonishes that a double-minded person should not expect anything from the Lord (Jas 1:6-7). The motive behind your prayers should not be sexual desire but asking God to meet your holistic needs without forgetting to maintain your good reputation.
9. Maybe, God is testing you for your love for Him. Married women are also tested differently in marriage through barrenness, misunderstanding, sickness, poverty, infidelity, or disability. Not all of the married people enjoy life.
Let me give you some useful tips:
First, ask God to deal with your loneliness without directing Him to marriage. God, your creator knows the best and most satisfying way for you. God created you in His image so He has many ways of meeting your needs.
Second, know God’s will for your present and future life. Probably, God wants to fulfill a certain plan in your life before you get married. Know what God is doing in and through your life in this silent time. God's ways are not our ways.
Third, acknowledge in your life that singleness is not a problem. God is thinking good about you. He has a great plan for you. Apostle Paul was celibate and accepted it as a gift from God. 1 Cor 7:8 “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.”
Fourth, make friends with women who are positive about your life. Spend more time talking with people who see your strengths more than your weaknesses. Even if you are single, you are successful in many other areas than married people.
Fifth, serve God diligently so that He will honor you (John 12:26) and dwell in you. Serving God will help you to overcome evil thoughts. It is said that 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop'. If your mind is full of God’s information, the devil will not get access to record his evil works.
Sixth, discipline your body frequently by prayer, fasting, overnight devotions, and serving God. When you deny your body to its evil desire, its lust dies as well. This is the reason why a sick person loses sexual desire. Your feelings should always follow your decision and not the other way around. Eventually, that will be your lifestyle.
Join with Apostle Paul’s message to Galatians. ‘From now on let no one trouble me, for I bear in my body the marks of the Lord Jesus. (Gal 6:17). If you already have Jesus in your spirit, now bear His marks in your body.
This
is just an encouragement that God loves you despite what you are going through
right now. Press on you will win the battle!
Please post a comment in the space provided below. Your comments or questions will be appreciated.
May the Lord meet all your needs according to His riches in glory.
Dr. Lawi Mshana, +255712924234 (Call & Whatsapp), Korogwe, Tanga, Tanzania
