How to enjoy your marriage
(Soma kwa Kiswahili chini yake)
Know that it is possible to get married without enjoying your marriage. Eccl 9:9a “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity.”
What are the secrets of a happy marriage for life?
1. Make it a lifetime
commitment
Do not allow thoughts of separation or divorce in your life. Make up your mind that you will live together for life no matter what. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Mark 10:8 “and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.”
2. Never
keep secrets from each other.
Do not allow a third party in your relationships. Marriages often break up because you share your secrets with other people for no reason. Let your partner be your confidant. When people know your weakness, they can use that opportunity to divide you more or fill that gap incorrectly.
3. Learn
to manage money together.
Discuss your life plans with your partner. When you do something without involving your partner, even if it is good, he/she may not support you. Prioritize relationship over possession. Some people have nice houses but do not have homes.
4. Have
time for relationships.
No matter how busy you are as a couple, never forget what made you live together. You did not decide to live together as business partners but as people who need relationships. Many couples today live as tenants. If you are in a sexless marriage, no one will see the importance of each other. Don't make children a priority over your marriage. Help them for their life without forgetting to invest in your marriage.
5. Always
respect your partner.
Do not embarrass one another in front of guests or your children. Take time for sensitive issues in a private place. When you are alone, try to call each other by the names you used when you were engaged so that your marriage does not get old. However, if you are with children and guests, set healthy boundaries.
6. Show
love in words and actions.
Don't show love to each other with mere words. Sometimes give gifts and accompany each other to strengthen your love. Some marriages are not stable because couples show love to each other only during sex without care and compassion in family life.
7. Be
physically attractive to your partner.
Be as presentable at home as at work or on a trip. Don't kiss your partner when you have bad breath. Also, stop armpit odor to your partner. If you take it for granted, you will make him or her live with you just because you are married. As a result, you will be left with a marriage certificate in the closet while your heart is not there. Win the heart of your partner.
8. Consider the spacing of children.
Although we are commanded to fill the earth, you will not fill it yourself. Adam did not fill the world alone but was given the message on behalf of all of us. All of us must participate in filling the earth. With children born without healthy timing, you will miss the time for privacy. As a result, you will miss the time to serve each other as a couple. Children should not take the place of husband and wife in the home.
9. Be
satisfied with your partner.
10. Get
involved in your church together.
Worshipping together at the same church is not enough. Try to have a ministry you do together to bring you close, e.g. welcoming church visitors, advising newlyweds, etc. To be one flesh, you must stick together and not depend on wedding vows. Eph 5:31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
Please comment or ask any questions here or on WhatsApp.
Lawi Mshana, Freelance Facilitator & Public Speaker, +255-712924234, Tanzania
Jinsi ya kufurahia ndoa yako
Unaweza kuwa katika ndoa bila kuifurahia ndoa yako. Mhubiri 9:9a “Uishi kwa furaha pamoja na mke umpendaye, siku zote za maisha yako ya ubatili, ulizopewa chini ya jua.”
Ufanyaje ili ndoa yako iwe ya furaha siku zote za maisha yenu?
1. Ifanye ndoa iwe ya
maisha yote
Usiruhusu mawazo ya kuachana au talaka katika maisha yenu. Pitisha katika mawazo yako kwamba mtaishi pamoja maisha yenu yote hata kama kutakuwa na changamoto gani. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable’. Marko 10:8 “na hao wawili watakuwa mwili mmoja; hata wamekuwa si wawili tena, bali mwili mmoja.”
2. Msiwe
na siri za kufichana.
Msiruhusu mtu wa tatu katika mahusiano yenu. Mara nyingi ndoa zinavunjika kwa vile siri zenu zinajulikana kwa watu wengine bila sababu. Mwenzako awe msiri wako. Watu wanapojua udhaifu wenu, wanaweza kutumia nafasi hiyo kuwagawa zaidi au kuziba pengo hilo kwa njia isiyo sahihi.
3. Jifunzeni
kutawala fedha pamoja.
Shirikishaneni mipango yenu ya maisha. Mmoja anapofanya jambo bila kumshirikisha mwenzake, hata kama ni zuri anaweza kutoliunga mkono. Jjali mahusiano mazuri kuliko kumiliki mali peke yake. Kuna watu wana nyumba nzuri lakini sio nyumbani.
4. Muwe
na muda wa mahusiano yenu.
Hata kama mko busy kiasi gani, msisahau kilichowafanya muishi pamoja. Hamkuamua kuishi pamoja kama wabia wa kampuni bali watu wanaohitaji mahusiano. Wanandoa wengi leo wanaishi kama wapangaji. Mkiwa sexless marriage hakuna mtu ataona umuhimu wa mwenzake. Msiwafanye watoto kipaumbele kuliko ndoa yenu. Wasaidieni kwa ajili ya maisha yao bila kusahau kuwekeza katika ndoa yenu.
5. Siku
zote mheshimu mwenzi wako.
Msiaibishane mbele za wageni wala watoto wenu. Masuala nyeti tengeni muda mahali pa faragha. Mkiwa peke yenu jitahidini kuitana majina mliyotumia mkiwa wachumba ili ndoa yenu isizeeke. Hata hivyo mkiwa na watoto na watu wengine muwe na mipaka ili msije mkawaharibu watoto wenu.
6. Onyesha
upendo kwa maneno na vitendo.
Msionyeshane upendo kwa maneno peke yake. Wakati mwingine peaneni zawadi na kusindikizana ili kuimarisha mapenzi yenu. Baadhi ya ndoa sio imara kwa vile wanaonyeshana upendo muda wa tendo la ndoa tu lakini hakuna kujaliana wala kuhurumiana katika majukumu mengine.
7. Vutia
kimwili kwa mwenzi wako.
Pendeza (be presentable) nyumbani kama unavyojitahidi ukiwa kazini au ukiwa safarini. Usinuke mdomo ili busu lako livutie. Lakini pia usinuke kikwapa kwa mwenzako. Ukitake for granted utamfanya aishi na wewe kwa vile tu amefunga ndoa na wewe. Matokeo yake utabaki na cheti cha ndoa kabatini wakati moyo wake uko mahali pengine.
8. Muwe
na mpango katika kuzaa.
Pamoja na kwamba tumeagizwa kuijaza nchi, hutaijaza peke yako. Adamu hakuijaza nchi peke yake bali alipewa ujumbe ule kwa niaba yetu wote. Lazima tusaidiane kuijaza nchi. Watoto wakiwa wamezaliwa kila baada ya muda mfupi, mtakosa muda wa faragha. Matokeo yake mtakosa muda wa kuhudumiana kama wanandoa. Watoto hawapaswi kuchukua nafasi ya mume na mke nyumbani.
9. Ridhika
na mwenzi wako.
Hata kama watu wanamkosoa mwenzi wako, ng’ang’ana naye. Kumbuka kwamba nyumba nzuri zinatengenezwa. Ongozwa na uamuzi wako wa kuishi naye kuliko hisia zako. Siku zote hisia zinapanda na kushuka. Hivyo ukitegemea hisia zako utajikuta upendo wako unahama kila mara kama mmekosana.
10. Jihusisheni kanisani pamoja.
Kusali kanisa moja hakutoshi. Jitahidini kuwa na huduma mnayofanya pamoja ili muwe karibu katika maeneo mengi kv kupokea wageni, kushauri wanandoa wapya nk. Mkitaka kuwa mwili mmoja, mnatakiwa muambatane na sio tu kutegemea nadhiri zenu za siku ya harusi. Waefeso 5:31 “Kwa sababu hiyo mtu atamwacha baba yake na mama yake, ataambatana na mkewe na hao wawili watakuwa mwili mmoja.”
Toa maoni yako hapo chini au uliza swali lolote kupitia hapa au whatsapp.
Lawi
Mshana, Freelance Facilitator & Public Speaker, +255-712924234, Tanzania
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