TLMC Korogwe Couples Workshop (Warsha ya wanandoa TLMC Korogwe)
The main topics were:
1. Sources of many marriage problems
2. Differences between men and women
3. Types of love within marriage
4. How to resolve marital differences
The sources of marital problems in our society that participants mentioned are:
1. Husband not leaving his wife money for living expenses, even if he has the means
2. Couples not being transparent about their income (not sharing income)
3. Lack of unity (couples not cooperating in development activities)
4. Lack of trust (couples listening to provocative words from outside and believing them without testing them)
5. Parents not being united in disciplining children. One parent opposes the other in front of the children, hence causing the children disrespect them. For example, the wife tells the husband, “Leave my son alone!” as if he were not their child.
6. Drunk parents abuse the children and fight in front of the children
7. When one of the spouses imitates foreign styles that the other does not like. For example, wearing embarrassing clothes
8. Some men care about eating food in restaurants when the family does not have food at home. He returns home empty-handed and refuses to eat, pretending to be sick.
9. Failure to plan the spending of family money. Some couples do not have priorities in their lives.
10. Excessive comfort – one misses time with family because of going to watch football until midnight.
11. One is not ready to compromise when differences arise.
12. One is more concerned about his siblings than his spouse's siblings.
13. Believing in superstition. Some people, when they see you love and help each other, ask which witch doctor helped your partner become like that.
14. Couples do not respect each other because they are too used to each other.
15. Some men do not care about serving their families.
16. Poverty and hardship are also challenges.
17. The man's income is used for the family, but the wife's is used for her personal use.
18. Use of force in leading the family.
19. Husband or wife relying on parents' decisions rather than their life partner.
20. Social media - some couples spend more time on social media than being close to their partner.
Finally, I shared with them four major sources of marital problems:
1. Not knowing the physical differences between men and women
2. Not knowing the inherited characteristics that couples have
3. Having weaknesses in relationships within marriage
4. Lack of spiritual protection
Then we discussed the basic things to consider for godly couples
1. The wife’s desire is to be loved.
Eph 5:25,28 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her; so husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
2. The husband desires to rule
Eph 5:24 “But as the church submits to Christ, so let wives also submit to their husbands in everything.”
3. The relationship between husband and wife after the fall of Adam and Eve:
Genesis 3:16 “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be for thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”
Although a man is a RULER, he has a great need for PROTECTION from his wife. A wife is a helper (Ezer kenegdo), that is, someone who can help the husband and give him security.
God has given us the responsibility to take care of and nurture our homes. So we should not transfer that responsibility to God or the government.
Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman builds her house; But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”
The need for sexual intercourse is what causes men and women to leave their parental homes, even if their needs are met by their parents. Therefore, sexual intercourse should be given priority so that the meaning of marriage is not lost.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5 “2 But because of fornication, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife her due, and likewise also to her husband her due. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other, except by mutual consent for a time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; and come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your intemperance.”
Warsha ya wanandoa TLMC Korogwe
Mada kuu zilikuwa:
1. Vyanzo vya matatizo ya ndoa nyingi
2. Tofauti za mwanaume na mwanamke
3. Aina za mapenzi ndani ya ndoa
4. Jinsi ya kumaliza tofauti za ndoa
Vyanzo vya matatizo ya ndoa katika jamii yetu ambavyo washiriki walivitaja ni:
1. Mume kutomuachia mke pesa za matumizi hata kama uwezo anao
2. Wanandoa kutokuwa wawazi kuhusu kipato chao (kutoshirikishana kipato)
3. Kukosekana kwa umoja (wanandoa kutoshirikiana katika shughuli za maendeleo)
4. Kutoaminiana (wanandoa kusikiliza maneno ya uchochezi kutoka nje na kuyaamini bila kuyapima)
5. Wazazi kutokuwa na umoja katika kuadabisha watoto. Mzazi mmoja anampinga mwenzake mbele ya watoto na kuwafanya watoto wapunguze heshima. Mfano, mke anamuambia mume, “Muache mwanangu!” kana kwamba sio mtoto wao.
6. Wazazi walevi wanawanyanyasa watoto na kutukanana au kupigana mbele ya watoto
7. Mmoja wa wanandoa anapoiga mitindo ya kigeni ambayo mwenzake haipendi. Mfano, kuvaa nguo za aibu
8. Baadhi ya wanaume kujali kula chakula migahawani wakati nyumbani familia haina chakula. Anarudi nyumbani mikono mitupu na anakataa kula chakula kwa kusingizia kwamba anaumwa.
9. Kushindwa kupangilia matumizi ya pesa za familia. Wanandoa wengine hawana vipaumbele katika maisha yao.
10. Starehe kupindukia – mtu anakosa muda na famiia kwa sababu ya kwenda kuangalia mpira hadi usiku wa manane.
11. Mmoja kutokuwa tayari kujishusha inapotokea tofauti.
12. Mmoja kujali zaidi upande wa ndugu zake kuliko ndugu wa mwenzi wake.
13. Kuamini ushirikina. Baadhi ya watu wakiona mnapendana na kusaidiana wanauliza ni mganga gani wa kienyeji alikusaidia mpaka akawa hivyo.
14. Wanandoa kutoheshimiana kwa sababu wamezoeana kupita kiasi.
15. Baadhi ya wanaume kutojali kuhudumia familia zao
16. Umaskini na ugumu wa maisha pia ni changamoto
17. Kipato cha mwanaume kinatumika kwa ajili ya familia halafu cha mke kinatumika kwa matumizi yake binafsi.
18. Matumizi ya mabavu katika kuongoza familia
19. Mume au mke kutegemea maamuzi ya wazazi wake kuliko mwenzi wake wa maisha
20. Mitandao ya kijamii – baadhi ya wanandoa wanatumia zaidi muda wao kwenye mitandao ya jamii kuliko kuwa karibu na mwenzi wake.
Hatimaye niliwashirikisha vyanzo vikuu vinne vya matatizo ya ndoa:
1. Kutojua tofauti za kimaumbile kati ya mwanaume na mwanamke
2. Kutojua tabia za kurithi walizo nazo wanandoa
3. Kuwa na udhaifu katika mahusiano ndani ya ndoa
4. Ukosefu wa kinga rohoni
Kisha tulijadili mambo ya msingi kuzingatiwa na wanandoa wacha Mungu.
1. Shauku ya mke ni kupendwa.
Efe 5:25,28 Waefeso 5:25,28 “Enyi waume, wapendeni wake zenu, kama Kristo naye alivyolipenda Kanisa, akajitoa kwa ajili yake; Vivyo hivyo imewapasa waume nao kuwapenda wake zao kama miili yao wenyewe. Ampendaye mkewe hujipenda mwenyewe.”
2. Shauku ya mwanaume ni kutawala
Efe 5:24 “Lakini kama vile Kanisa limtiivyo Kristo vivyo hivyo wake nao wawatii waume zao katika kila jambo.”
3. Uhusiano wa mume na mke baada ya anguko la Adamu na Hawa: Mwanzo 3:16 “Akamwambia mwanamke, Hakika nitakuzidishia uchungu wako, na kuzaa kwako; kwa utungu utazaa watoto; na tamaa yako itakuwa kwa mumeo, naye atakutawala.”
Ingawa mwanaume ni MTAWALA ana uhitaji mkubwa wa ULINZI kutoka kwa mkewe. Mke ni msaidizi (Ezer kenegdo) yaani, mtu anayeweza kumnusuru mume na kumpa usalama..
Tumepewa jukumu la kutunza na kulea nyumba zetu. Hivyo tusihamishie wajibu huo kwa Mungu au serikali.
Mit 14:1 “Kila mwanamke aliye na hekima hujenga nyumba yake; Bali aliye mpumbavu huibomoa kwa mikono yake mwenyewe.”
Hitaji la tendo la ndoa ndilo lilisababisha wanandoa waondoke kwao hata kama mahitaji yanatimizwa na wazazi wao. Hivyo tendo la ndoa lipewe kipaumbele ili maana ya ndoa isipotee.
1 Wakorintho 7:2-5 “2 Lakini kwa sababu ya zinaa kila mwanamume na awe na mke wake mwenyewe, na kila mwanamke na awe na mume wake mwenyewe. 3 Mume na ampe mkewe haki yake, na vivyo hivyo mke na ampe mumewe haki yake. 4 Mke hana amri juu ya mwili wake, bali mumewe; vivyo hivyo mume hana amri juu ya mwili wake, bali mkewe. 5 Msinyimane isipokuwa mmepatana kwa muda, ili mpate faragha kwa kusali; mkajiane tena, Shetani asije akawajaribu kwa kutokuwa na kiasi kwenu.”
Dr. Lawi Mshana, Facilitator and Mentor, +255712924234, Tanzania
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