HOW TO REIGNITE LOVE IN MARRIAGE (JINSI YA KUAMSHA TENA UPENDO KATIKA NDOA)
Sometimes, marriage love wanes, just
like our faith in God. Matthew 24:12 says, “And
because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.” So, we
need to rekindle the passion in our marriage. I want to share some tips to
reignite the love in your marriage.
1. Decide to love
The foundation of your love should not be emotion or excitement. Remember that emotions go up and down from time to time. When you decide to love, the emotion will agree and consequently follow.
2. Don't look for a reason to love.
You chose her/him to be
your partner for the rest of your life. Don’t doubt the decision you made.
Don't let anything come between you and divide you. Whoever you see as better
than your spouse, he/she is not. If you stay with him/her you will see the dark
side of her life. No one is perfect. We only differ in types of weaknesses.
3. Offer yourself
Give what you have without
expecting to share the cost. You are there to complement your partner. Everyone
has a role in making your marriage work and joyful as long as it is
within God's will. Expect to give more than to receive because a giver is more
blessed than a receiver (Act 20:35). Remember blessing is not always financial.
Enjoying what you possess is a greater blessing than possessing alone.
4. Do not seek to be loved but to be lovable.
Don't demand to be loved instead, be attractive to your partner. If you strive to be lovable, you will be loved. Invest in what he/she loves in you even if it is unimportant. Sometimes we try to force people to love what we do for them. Everyone has her/his language of love. We have to know it and respect it.
5. Admit your bad habits.
You may have bad behavior and have failed to manage it. If it hurts your partner, admit it to show that it is not an intentional misbehavior and deal with it. For example, you tend to joke with people of the opposite sex. God has given us self-control to help us control our urges. You can change just for the sake of your life partner who sacrifices a lot for you.
6. Don't look for faults but feel sorry for them.
When you see your partner's mistake or weakness, don't escalate it but work on it wisely and prayerfully. Don’t be a fault-finder. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) meaning that if you genuinely love a person, you positively respond to one's faults. Tune your mind that your partner is the only friend in the entire world. That mindset will be a starting point for the healing of your relationship.
7. Show appreciation.
No one wants to be taken for granted. We all want to feel loved, valued, and appreciated. Learn to see good things in her or him and speak out. Sometimes we only see mistakes and forget the good side. When you stay far from your partner for some time, you will know his contribution to your life. However, this will happen if you will avoid sexual relations with other people. You don’t see his or her beauty but some people are jealous of you and sadly you are not aware.
8. Learn to apologize.
You won't lose anything by saying EXCUSE ME or I’m SORRY. Admit when you are wrong instead of justifying yourself. Even if you win the argument, you will lose the happy relationship in your marriage. Learn to protect your peace at all costs instead of regarding yourself as the only one deserving an apology. Instead of demanding justice, we are told to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord in our marriages (Eph 5:21).
9. Give gifts.
Don't forget to give gifts even if you meet your family responsibilities. Sweets and biscuits for your partner can sometimes speak louder than buying expensive family clothes. Cooking food for the family, washing clothes, or paying for school fees are not gifts but responsibilities. Know what inspires your partner and gives memories of the old good days. Remember what you were giving as engagement gifts in those days.
I pray that God will help you put
these tips into practice instead of depending on God to do everything for you.
Remember, your partner does not live with God but with you. You are the
beneficiary of your partner's love.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask or leave a comment.
Dr.
Lawi Mshana, Mentor, Writer, and Freelance Facilitator, +255712924234, Tanzania
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